“Two years ago, my husband and I were expecting our first child. I can remember exactly when my husband and I were on our way to see the doctor for our three month check-up. We wondered if we would be lucky enough to find out the gender of our baby and if the baby would happily flail its arms like it did the previous time. I couldn’t wait to see the baby again. But this time the baby was barely moving. Initially, my doctor didn’t say a word. I could see in his face that something was wrong, but I quickly wiped that thought out of my mind. After all, what could be wrong? My husband and I were healthy, ate well, there were no genetic defects in our family tree, therefore nothing should have been wrong. The doctor said to me: “Unfortunately your baby is seriously ill”. This sentence completely ripped me away from my perfect world.
What followed was a marathon of examinations, tests, hospital visits, desperation, and waiting. Our daughter was suffering from a grave genetic defect. Despite her defect, we continued with my pregnancy. Her heart stopped beating during the seventh month of my pregnancy and she was stillborn. Of course I hoped and envisioned my first pregnancy to be different. I thought everything would be perfect. A time full of chocolate and shopping in all sorts of baby stores, but that wasn’t the case. However, I can say that despite all the grief, our baby enriched our lives. My husband and I are closer than ever before. I know to appreciate the little things and I try not worry about the smallest things. In a way, we matured through these tough times.
It took a long time until we were ready to try again. A year and a half later the pregnancy test revealed a positive result. We were so happy but also uncertain and scared. We didn’t tell anyone for a long time that I was pregnant again, and we didn’t buy any baby clothes. My husband and I held our breath at every check-up and were almost waiting for my doctor’s facial expression to change for the worse and tell us that something wasn’t right. Exactly the opposite happened. All the results were and still are great. Height and weight are a in the normal range and every test that has been performed has shown no issues.
While I took a lot of photos by the fourth month of my first pregnancy, I didn’t take a single photo of myself during the current pregnancy. At one point, Michelle approached and asked me if I’d be interested in a maternity session. I think that subconsciously, I wanted to do everything different than the first pregnancy in order to avoid any risks.
I decided to move forward with the session. It was important to me to include our dog Elli. A few days after we learned that our daughter was very sick, we found Elli on a animal welfare group’s website and decided to adopt her. We always wanted our kids to grow up with a dog in the house, but I also knew that I would fall into a deep hole if our baby wasn’t going to make it. If that was the case, I would still be forced to leave the house a couple of times a day because of Elli. That’s exactly what happened. Because of Elli, I wasn’t able to hide in my bed all day. She was my light in the dark and it was important to me to include her in some of the photos. The due date for our son’s arrival is around 5 weeks away. We can barely contain our excitement and I’m already looking forward to showing him the pictures of this maternity session.” Svenja, Expectant Mother