“This pregnancy was very different than my first. With my first baby, every second of every day was devoted to day dreaming about holding him in my arms and kissing his little toes. I would sit in the rocking chair in his nursery and envision myself staring at him as he lay sound asleep in his crib. I felt connected and bonded to him far before he was ever set to make his entrance into the world.
This pregnancy was completely different. Taking care of and running after a toddler didn’t leave me with an abundance of spare time. I was so busy, so distracted and so tired. I didn’t have the time, nor the energy, to indulge in the daydreams of my second born. Every day, I was consumed with guilt from the lack of attention I was dedicating to him. Creating these photographs was a turning point in my relationship with my unborn son. They allowed me to fully devote an entire day to him and him alone. I needed to feel as if he was getting all of me.
When I look at these photographs, they remind me of the first time I felt a true connection to my baby. How when I cusped my stomach in my arms, I finally felt like I was giving him the attention he truly deserved. They remind me of the excitement I felt as I finally sat alone, just he and I, and daydreamed about life with him. His precious face, his tiny toes, and what I imagined would be his beautiful, blue eyes.
Motherhood is tough. Yes, there are more good moments than bad and more smiles than tears, but it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I never imagined that motherhood would be made up of days when getting my toddler to sit in his high chair without crying or getting through a day without being spit up on would feel as if I won an Olympic gold medal. Or that there would be days when taking a five minute shower would feel like hours at my favorite spa.
I feel like the true challenges of motherhood aren’t spoken about as often as they should be. Every one says being a mother has its ups and downs, but what they don’t tell you is sometimes there will more downs than ups and that’s okay. Sometimes you’ll feel as if you are failing and barely surviving and you’ll feel like you don’t have the strength to make it another hour, let alone another day – but you do and you will.
To me, motherhood resembles beauty. She resembles strength, resilience, and power. Motherhood is challenging but rewarding. She’s stubborn but graceful. She is everything I thought she would be but mostly what I could have never expected. Motherhood is everything.”
Felicia, Expectant Mother